It’s time stop comparing ourselves, my friend.
Let me say it again: it is time to let go of comparing ourselves to one another, and most especially to anything we see on the media, social or otherwise.
It’s been said that
“Comparison is the thief of joy”Teddy Roosevelt
…and I for one believe that with all my heart.
What we are seeing on social media right often leads us to compare ourselves to what everyone else is doing, and often that leaves us feeling like we are not measuring up.
- Our house isn’t as cute as hers is in her Instagram pictures.
- Our marriage isn’t as vibrant and gushy as theirs is.
- Our body isn’t as good as hers.
- Our hair isn’t as well-styled or well-cut or well-colored.
- Our smile isn’t white enough.
- Our skin isn’t smooth enough.
- We aren’t making enough of those amazing dinners she posts.
- Our career isn’t as high-powered, or important, or even existent.
- Our kids aren’t achieving as well as hers are.
- We aren’t doing faith and church as well as she is.
- We aren’t doing service and caring for others as well as she is.
And the truth is, with that list right there, you’re probably not even comparing yourself to one person. It’s likely not one person that has it all going on, but you scroll through your feed and you just compare, and compare, and compare.
Or is that just me? If it’s me, please, scroll away and do better things with your time, because if you’re not feeling any of those feelings then you have it figured out and I applaud you! (And I want to know your secret, btw, so please share!)
But back to the point. All those comparisons aren’t to one amazing woman, they are to several.
So we recognize: no one person has all these qualities you are thinking you’re supposed to have.
So… why on earth would you think you should, or even could?
And that brings us to the first step in letting go of comparisons:
Recognize your expectations are unrealistic.
This falls under the umbrella of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover,” and most Instagram feeds are a bright, shiny cover!
Remember: while there are certainly exceptions, the vast majority of people share primarily fun stuff on social media.
In the spirit of being honest and open: I am super duper shy on social media, and so I tend to only share when my heart is bursting with love or pride and I feel all puffed up.
And I have to imagine I am not alone!
So let’s acknowledge: the cover we see on social media, or any media, isn’t the whole truth. That mom may be melting down in tears an hour after she posts, or collapsing in exhaustion.
Which brings us to our second step for letting go of comparison.
Be kind, for everyone is fighting some sort of battle.
The longer I live, the more I connect at a more meaningful level with more beautiful, wonderful souls, the truer this becomes.
We all are sad or scared about something. Or a few somethings.
Even while I would tell you that I love my life, I have my somethings. I have things in my life that can make me cry at the drop of a hat when I really start to look at them. I have worries and fears and relationships I wish were healthier.
And I am betting that you do, too.
So, if I do, and you do, doesn’t it stand to reason that she does, too?
I think it does. And so instead of looking at her and feeling bad about yourself because she has something you wish you had, try to remember: she’s fighting a battle, just like you are.
And last (for today) but most definitely not least:
Look in the mirror, and compare yourself to only yourself.
This is really the only fair comparison you can make. All the others are unfair and unhealthy and unproductive.
If you are looking at other women on social media and wishing you could have what they have, why not instead focus on what you have?
There are two reasons this is a powerful practice.
First: look for the good in your life.
We know gratitude can be a game changer. When you feel that tug to compare yourself to another woman and decide you don’t measure up, gratitude can be a healthy way to stop yourself in your tracks.
Wish you had hair like that? Take a deep breath, and list five things you do have. Be thankful and grateful, right then and there.
And second: get moving on being the best you you can be!
If you are sitting around scrolling your feed and feeling lousy, take action to feel better!
What can you do, today, to be in a position tomorrow where you know you’re doing your best?
What can you do now? Can you get a chore knocked off your list? Can you start a project you’ve been putting off? Can you go start that workout you promised yourself? Can you call a friend who needs your support?
If you must compare, then compare yourself to you… and do something today that will make you feel proud and confident!
Because we know for sure that when we feel good about the work we are doing, from caring for our families to our fitness and beyond, we are less inclined to fall victim to the trap of comparing to others!
Today’s post is motivated by our Mom Confidence Campaign! I strive to frequently speak to helping you move in the direction of doing good work for yourself, mixed in with some self-love, self-acceptance, chilling the F out, and defining your worth in ways that truly matter.
To find out more about these posts, you can click below and we’ll keep you posted!
Until next time, I would love to hear from you! What are some of your biggest struggles with comparing?
And if you’re on Pinterest, you can check out my boards and see if you can find some extra inspiration!